The end/beginning of an era
Thursday, July 03, 2008
I find it hard to write, to start writing, because I know he'll read this. And he might not get it. In which case he won't ask me to explain myself anymore because he won't be in the other room as I type this.
The place I used to call home felt just like any old apartment when I was there this afternoon. As if the love got sucked out of it, which in a way it did. Just a week has passed and already it feels so different, yet the same. I fight the urge to pick up his dirty boxers and throw them in the laundry basket. I'm trying not to care but I still do. Dishes in the sink get done because I know he'd like to come home and not have to clean any pans before cooking. Cooking which I'm not doing anymore.
And I've cried, I have. But not the amount I thought I would, not the amount I think would be appropriate after five years. Maybe it's not in the crying but in this little empty space I carry around with me now.
It's a break up but not a break down, because it also feels like a new beginning. I am convinced that this will be good for me and that gives me strength that I forgot I had. This will be good. Maybe not in the long run, but at least right now and right now is where I am.
Ik zal altijd van je blijven houden kanjer!
;-)
The place I used to call home felt just like any old apartment when I was there this afternoon. As if the love got sucked out of it, which in a way it did. Just a week has passed and already it feels so different, yet the same. I fight the urge to pick up his dirty boxers and throw them in the laundry basket. I'm trying not to care but I still do. Dishes in the sink get done because I know he'd like to come home and not have to clean any pans before cooking. Cooking which I'm not doing anymore.
And I've cried, I have. But not the amount I thought I would, not the amount I think would be appropriate after five years. Maybe it's not in the crying but in this little empty space I carry around with me now.
It's a break up but not a break down, because it also feels like a new beginning. I am convinced that this will be good for me and that gives me strength that I forgot I had. This will be good. Maybe not in the long run, but at least right now and right now is where I am.
Ik zal altijd van je blijven houden kanjer!
;-)
The way I wish I felt
I don't feel like translating.
Break Time
Saturday, June 28, 2008
God knows for how long...
